The Danger of Authenticity

(Disclaimer: This note is only intended to be an expression of my sorrow for the fact that my quest for authenticity in the American church has typically been a dangerous one. When I say "authenticity," I'm not talking about the platitudinous buzzword that it has become. For the sake of safety, I'm trying to be as vaguely honest as I can. When I use the words "church" and "ministry," I'm using them in their broadest sense.)

Recently, I started to grow weary of only being able to be covertly honest with a relatively small group of people. The more I heard professors, pastors, leaders, and friends stress the importance of authenticity, the more conflicted I became. I recalled the times that I'd spoken honestly about issues I have with church and ministry and remembered being burned in the process. I realize that authenticity doesn't mean constantly spewing out complaints as they pop in my head, but I felt it was important to take steps toward being genuine about how certain aspects of church and ministry have been detrimental to my spirituality and relationship with Christ. Unfortunately, this wasn't a safe decision. In general, the subculture that is Liberty University doesn't tend to like or tolerate people who are outspoken about their hang-ups with "the world's most exciting university" or the modern, Western conception of Christian ministry that it buys into.

Even though I've been called slanderous for telling the truth about my experiences, my goal was never to damage a reputation (or a facade). I don't enjoy being profoundly dissatisfied and borderline cynical. I don't plan on being in this place (that's a double entendre) for the rest of my life. I'm not attempting or claiming to possess the ability to tear down well-intentioned but--in my opinion--sadly mistaken organizations. I just want to be a part of something better. I want to be a part of something with a vision in which my conscience can rejoice instead of be troubled over. I want to be able to be lovingly honest without fear of being beat down for it (maybe that's unrealistic). I want to be a part of something that isn't propped up and held together by appearances and stage performances (Again, I'm talking about churches and ministries in general here. Nothing specific). But I can't at the moment. I feel stuck, and I'm wrestling with whether or not it's worth it to be stuck. I know some of the pros and cons, I just need a good scale. If anyone has one, I'd love to borrow it for a while.

"Western Christianity"

In the near future, I'm sure I'll blog about the many problems I have with modern Evangelicalism in the Western world, but I'll save that for later days. For now, I want to focus on what I mean by "Western Christianity." Let me start out by saying that I haven't given this much thought; so, I'm not exactly sure what I mean yet.

Anyway, I'm starting to come to the realization that I can't lump every denomination into the very general phrase "Western Christianity" and then accurately say all the denominations that fall under "Western Christianity" all have the same problems. On the other side of this, I need to fight the mindset that thinks Christianity in other parts of the world is somehow on a higher spiritual plane than the Christianity found in America, Canada, etc. That very well may be true, but I wouldn't know, and as I read through the New Testament, it seems pretty clear that all those early churches had some pretty bad problems that needed addressing too.

So back to my main point: I think that what I've meant in the past by "Western Christianity" is actually (mainly) the Southern Baptist church. I grew up going to Southern Baptist churches in the infamous Bible belt. I've probably attended services with at least 150 different Southern Baptist congregations. I know what the the Southern Baptist mega-church mold looks and acts like. And for the vast majority of the time, I'm pretty disgusted by it. I also spent over 5 years in a "Bapticostal" church. It behaved quite a bit differently than most traditional SB churches, but I wasn't any more impressed with its particular brand of Christianity; its initially sweet taste was overwhelming overshadowed by its bitter aftertaste. I've also seen and experienced a few of the bad effects that some Pentecostal churches had on several of my friends and me.

That's what I've experienced. So I guess that's what I mean by "Western Christianity." I just can't realistically represent the denominations that I haven't had much contact with, and I shouldn't act like I can.

I will say, though, that I dated a Lutheran once, and I haven't been a very big fan of them since...them or Minnesotans. For me, Luther is the only redeeming thing about Lutheranism, and Piper is the only redeeming thing about Minnesota.

But seriously, I am grateful for the churches God graciously allowed me to grow up in. There are good qualities in them that I too often ignore. God help me when I get so jaded and cynical that I cease from loving the glorious, beautiful, mysterious thing that is the Body of Christ, His Church.

First Post

I'm not sure if there are any formalities I'm supposed to fulfill in a first blog post.  I'm new to this whole crazy thing.  I created this account on a whim with ideas of grandeur floating through my mind.  Now they've all floated away, and I'm left wondering if this is still a good idea.  Damn feelings; they're always so fickle.  They're nice while they last, but I can't depend on them to help me get things done; so, I might as well finish what I started with or without their fair weather aid.  

I hope the future posts will help some people, myself included.  I'm not sure what I'll blog about, but that's the adventure of it all, isn't it?  I want to be candid but not so candid that everyone knows my real name.  Depending on how far down this road of honesty I go, a real name could potentially get me into some trouble.  So anyway, welcome to my blog.  My name is William McMurtry...